Giving and asking for feedback

Feedback can be tricky – especially when it involves guiding growth and development. However, feedback is a vital opportunity for learning and improvement. This feedback guide aims to help both PALs and mentees give effective feedback that is impactful, honest, and, most importantly, respectful.

Making feedback a habit

The best engineering teams don't treat feedback as a one-off event – it's woven into everything they do. Make it second nature by asking for it after key moments, like code reviews, project milestones, or retros. And when you spot something worth mentioning, either good or constructive, say it. Don’t let it sit.

Feedback isn't just about levelling up your skills; it’s how you become a better teammate, engineer, and leader. Your PAL sessions are the perfect space to practice this, and the benefits will follow you throughout your career.

Encouraging a culture of feedback

If you want feedback to be a normal part of work, start by asking for it. When mentees actively seek feedback, they take charge of their own growth. Instead of a generic “Do you have any feedback for me?” make it targeted:

• “How did I handle that last code review? Anything I could improve?”

• “Was my approach to that debugging session effective?”

• “Do you think I could have communicated more clearly in the last client meeting?”

Being specific helps get better responses. And don’t save it for formal PAL sessions, work it into your day-to-day so it feels natural. A great way to do this is by giving context, encouraging detail, and allowing time to reflect. Try: “I’m looking to improve how I lead technical discussions. Can you share one thing I’m doing well and one thing I could do differently? It would be good to go through this in our next session.”

Receiving feedback well

Let’s be honest: Getting feedback, especially when it’s about what could be better, can feel uncomfortable. The key is to listen first, resist the urge to explain, and take it in. If something’s unclear, ask follow-ups like, “Can you give me an example?” And if it stings, give yourself time to process before responding.

The real game-changer is acting on it. Even small tweaks make a big impact. Also, a little appreciation goes a long way. A simple “Thanks for that, really helpful” keeps the feedback loop alive.

Giving feedback that lands

Good feedback isn’t about pointing out problems; it’s about helping people grow. Keep it focused on behaviours, not personalities. Instead of “Your workflow could be more efficient,” go with “Your implementation worked well, but it took longer than expected because of last-minute refactoring. Maybe breaking tasks into smaller chunks earlier could help.”

Vague feedback isn’t useful. Instead of “You need to be more engaged” try “I’d love to see you ask at least one question in each team meeting to show engagement.”

We’ve said it before in this handbook, and we’ll say it again: a great structure to use is the Situation-Behaviour-Impact (SBI) model:

• Situation: When and where did it happen?

• Behaviour: What did they do? Stick to facts.

• Impact: How did it affect you, the project, or the team?

For example: “In yesterday’s pairing session, we jumped into coding before aligning on the approach. That made it harder for me to follow along. Next time, could we start with a quick plan?”

Avoiding bias in feedback

Even with the best intentions, biases can creep in. Keep an eye out for recency bias (focusing too much on the latest thing rather than the bigger picture) and commenting on personality instead of impact. Also, challenge confirmation bias, don’t just reinforce what you already think; look for evidence.

Final thoughts

Done right, feedback builds trust, strengthens relationships, and levels up both of you. Whether you’re giving or receiving feedback, approach it with curiosity and intention. When feedback becomes a habit, everyone benefits.